I feel like my emails are never ending. My internship (UNPAID!) to working on my personal endeavors. Then dealing with some immigration bullshit that is giving me a headache. To longing for someone. Is it because my flatmate and her boyfriend are all up in my face 24/7? I'm sure the minute I even start dating I'll want to be single. Since breaking it off with him aka my sugardaddy of 3 years with a gracious cheque under $100, 000. Yep, you read right, in case that gives you an idea of how loaded this guy was. Anyway here I am longing for that 20 something year old boyfriend to kiss me and cuddle me and act like any silly guy his age. But no I am in a career that I am not even sure of which direction it will take in the next couple of months. I am interning at a place run by rich people though expenses are covered but will they hire me after this period. Do I have purpose? Why can't anyone take me seriously?! Am I not trying hard enough. You'd have thought this cash brings me joy but in the end it's like ok now what? I didn't earn it.
Spending the morning reading your WHOLE blog... I think I read the first few lines of this post and then thought, I hope this is true. Then I read your sidebar.
ReplyDeleteIt's the same with everything in life when we get things for free. Like a boy getting into bed with a girl early in the relationship he thinks 'well what now,' - something in which I have so stupidly done twice in my life, you'd think I would have learnt my lesson the first time round.
ReplyDeleteSame goes for me in things like money too. I don't have to earn money like other students for things like rent, food and clothes, however I still participated myself in a part time job just to feel like I belong with my university friends, but then I always say 'well what now.'
I really know the feeling. I use to be consumed with idea of focusing on my career and not being in a relationship I was very anti relationship. Now I am in one, which I NEVER thought would happen. I had dreams of being a rich cougar. Now I am in a relationship and all I can think about is what happens if it ends? I am just saying it is possible to be never be happy about our situation. So I would take it one day at a time. That is what I am doing now especially in terms of my career and relationship.
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