Right now I feel like the most unproductive, useless human being on the planet. What have I done with my life? Zilch? I decided not to go to class today because I was that undetermined.
I have no best friend. The few friends I have are off doing their own thing and these are people I could not, NEVER, tell my deepest secrets to because I can't even rely on them to come with me to an event or gallery on a weekend. I have no boyfriend. And no I don't give a fuck about the whole "you'll find someone when you least expect it" speech. I feel used by men, maybe I have a sign on my forehead that says "Fuck once and move on". The only relationship I am in is with my sugar daddy. I don't know how much he cares about me. Will he still string me along with all the other women he screws? I justify asking money from him from when I know he plans on meeting his other women or giving them money. And yeah you can sit there and preach being independet but I'm sorry the peanuts I make being a "model" can barely cover groceries for a month, let alone pay rent, so no thanks I don't plan on being homeless right now, because the only thing that would keep me afloat would be prostitution. And I can't even enjoy taking an interest in hobbies because there is a little voice in my head saying you need to be working and get serious. Well Christ, what work can I get in the fashion industry when people don't want to pay?! Not even an internship in sight. I feel so stupid. Like some stupid pretty girl only good to look at, party with, screw and ignore and be flaky about meeting up for lunch with. I look at those fashion blogger girls with envy. How do they do it? What do they have that I don't?