Dear ... holiday season

Here comes that time of the year I hate the most. Nothing has changed, in fact I feel each Christmas has gone downhill since being here. I have no family around me, my flatmate has gone to see her's and I feel like shit. I can't even think of the boxing days sales without feeling depressed at all the things I want but can't afford despite the markdown. Well, I could afford some stuff thanks to my "allowance" but then it will be a matter of writing that dreaded email asking for money again. And I don't feel like I worked hard for it. I know a lot of girls, and by that maybe I should say gold-diggers or want-to-be trophy girlfriends, who would kill to be in my position whereby I get some money now and then to pay rent and do a bit of shopping and traveling. But I want those few thousand bucks in my account to be because of a month's hard work! I know this sounds silly but I like Kim Kardashian because she is a business woman, so when she feels like buying herself a Bentley or a house it's because she can because she worked hard for it !!!

I should be having a decent job by now, despite being in my early 20s. There are girls out there my age making it big. Ok, fashion wise it tends to be It-girls who land contracts left, right and center so they are not a plausible example but what the fuck am I supposed to do in order to get someone's attention. I got a rejection letter back from a well-known magazine saying I was not qualified for the position, which technically was just a placement for anyone 18 and over to gain work experience. How the HELL am I not the right candidate for work experience?!?! I would really like to look into seeing a shrink to find out what's wrong with me because I must be doing something wrong to not be recognized for what I can do. I sure as hell don't want recognition when I am damn near 40 !!!

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