Dear ... R, J, S and my man

I can't believe to this day I still have a problem with letting go of relationships. Or at least little things trigger memories. Ok, it started off with getting a text from R this morning saying he has to cancel Friday's date because he realized a friend was coming from overseas to visit. Fine, though slightly pissed off, I am only pursuing him for self-assurance because I feel like I am not "my man's" number one priority right now. (Will I ever be? ) Then I was watching Will&Grace while making breakfast and an outfit that Will was wearing looked just like what J likes to wear most of the time. Remember J? The one who oozed English gentleman charm, and owns a company that is known world wide and I hated seeing ads of on TV when he "stopped calling". And there is S who I don't care much for but he has invited me to a weekend away at the beach. I'll go if I have nothing to do. All these men ... older men... are a way for me to feel a void I can't explain. I wish I were more financially independent that way I wouldn't be so emotionally dependent on them. I love this picture of model Lara Stone. She is many things I want to be. Successful, 32F breasts, a sexy voice and yeah I like the idea of being Dutch. Right now I am: broke and getting money from my man, small boobs, common accent and not Dutch and slightly depressed about life.

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