Oh my goodness, you don't know how much I wanted to be in his arms last night. I have this fear of being alone or not knowing how my love life with "my man" will turn out that I try and reach for another human being in order to not feel lonely. And "R" has been coming to the cafe for months now, chatting with me from time to time and yesterday we spent the afternoon going out to exhibitions and eating. Then he came to my place and had tea. And I felt so silly because I practically wanted to hump him all day then when the moment came I was back to being all giggles. But we will see each other again. I need him more than, I think, he needs me. He is a fantasy being fulfilled but also a comfort zone. Because honestly I don't know where I am headed.