I went to bed with a feeling of hate on my mind and it is still there. I can't let it go. I want to throw him against the wall and all the shit that comes along with him. I hate how I depend on him more than those other 2 women do because they work and have their own shit going that they dont need him as much which is why he responds to them more and not me.
I would love to do exactly the same to my stupid ex boyfriend, whose response to me telling him I missed him and wanted us to try again RIGHT after some ill-advised break-up sex was 'oh, I like someone else now'. He also had the nerve to cry as I left. He's now seeing her. I want to smash his face in.
ReplyDeleteWow, such hostility... :(
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are feeling this way. I've felt like this before, and I know it's horrid. Feeling kind of like, helpless. When you're dependent on someone else, it's like they can control you, yet, if you have feelings for them you don't want to let go of them, so it's like this trap.
What would make you feel better? I'm open to talk any time, if you want :) thesofisticate[at!]gmail.com
Feel better soon,
xox
Thanks hun....after a week of just feeling numb and depresed I feel a lot better. I was mainly pissed off with myself for letting him hurt me, as I've always been too good and too mature for him (as I've been told) and deserve much better than him. Now I just couldn't care less. I still want to hurt him, and one day someone will (whether it's me or not) and he'll stop riding through life on the crest of a wave like he has been and will fall, hard. But right now I'm just getting on with it. It's just hard to see him with someone else. Though I guess since I know I can do so much better I'm not just willing to settle for anyone, whereas since he can't really do much better than someone like me, he found it nice and easy to just start dating one of his colleagues. She'll get sick of him soon, and if she doesn't, she's even more stupid than I am.
ReplyDeleteRant over :)
I am so impressed with your honesty. I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time, but god damn have I been in those shoes of yours. Sometimes it doesn't help to hear that, but on the off-chance that it does...
ReplyDeleteJust keep that beautiful head up love!
xo