Dear ... winter of 12/13

I haven't written in ages because so many things have happend to me. Good and Bad. But it seems I only ever come here to write about the bad stuff. It's moments like these when I realise I get too caught up in my depression that maybe I don't realise the good things happening around me. Ok, then again just a few days ago I was crying my guts out over the phone to my mom because I am trying to find a place to stay and this guy who I liked and hooked up with over the summer is now hitting on another girl I know. And I let that affect me. And the fact that I barely got any work during fashion week made me feel bad about myself. I know my mum tells me to put my faith in God and realise how lucky I am, how people see this gorgeous girl and think "wow she must be living the life" and yet inside I don't feel that way. 

I am dealing with an agency that doesnt give a shit about whether I work or not, living with a friend who needs me to move out already (TODAY! ) and I still have nowhere to go. Do I not love myself as much as I think I do? What's wrong with me? I try to be a good person, wake up everyday and participate but it's like no one notices me. 

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