I contacted J again after a year. He was pleased and we have been emailing each other. I miss him so much. I was a different person then. For all I know he could be in a relationship. I just want him to hold me again. Not the person I am currently "with" only because he helps me out financially and now I am less and less interested in this crazy lifestlye of his. Let's just say having a sugar daddy or older rich lover is not all that it is cracked up to be. Ugh. I am waiting for J to reply and then I just want to open a flood gate of emotions at the risk of sounding needy.