Dear ... why can't I be?

Why can't I be one of those cool skinny models who are making big buck$ not pocket money jobs like me?

Why can't I be the poor model who makes it big and along the way marries a Prince or Lord and has gorgeous children with?

Why can't I be talented at something or good at a skill that can get me paid work?

Sometimes I feel as if I was just born to look pretty and that's it. Not even my "enviable" looks are getting me anywhere. How long have I been modeling and I still haven't made a decent salary to live on every month. I am lucky to have a man in my life who pays my rent. I worry that may end and I'll have to start whoring myself for money. Sometimes I feel so insecure I think my agency does not believe in me. I look at other girls doing ads on TV and magazines and think "why not me?". Then I think of how good I was in high school and to a certain extent in university and wonder what went wrong? Why do I feel so useless?!


  1. I feel the same way..I am not a model..but I feel useless..I feel like I have lost my identity..dont know where I belong anymore..

    great post! I like to read ``real`` feelings..

  2. I think the answer is in this blog you write.

    You are too clever for being just a model, you have more dimensions than a model has and, maybe, your opportunity is out there, waiting for you, but you'll find it in the exact point you need, because till then, you have to build the perfect story about the girl who fought to be there.

    Good luck from Spain, and I hope when you were on the top, in the stars, you don't forget us. :)

  3. I think maybe you should continue this chain of thought. You're not useless, so why do you feel so useless? You feel like you're only good for being pretty... probably somewhere along the way, someone planted this thought in your head... be it a parent, a friend, or (most likely) a lover. Honey, you are human. You hold the whole world inside of you! Your soul is a tiny piece of divinity- cherish yourself. You are more than what people see on the outside, and I'm sure this journey will lead you to your purpose- some people just have to take the long road. Trust me, I understand the long road! I'll be praying for you, even if you don't believe in prayer, that's just my way. I know that as long as you keep asking questions and digging deeper into yourself, you ARE going to find what you're looking for- your real self and your true place in life. Good luck sweetie!


  4. You are not useless!!!

    How could you even say that? I suppose in a world like modelling insecurities are fed but like Robyn said 'You are a piece of divinity so cherish yourself'.

    Also, if you are reminising about school, perhaps you should go back? I have a fair amount of friends who have decided to do this (and give up modelling) not because they were not good enough, but because modelling was not the only thing they were good at. perhaps something to consider???

    What are your passions, investigate and follow them through...


  5. Hang in there babe. life is fucked up and fate is just as twisted. We just have to continue to work hard and stay positive. Thats what i constantly remind myself even though I'm still clinging on to certain types of men in hopes of some kind of support whether it be financial or emotional. . .I know what your going through.


  6. Oh! I am feeling the same way as you! You are at least a model!! I could never be a model I am 4"13. Anyhow, even though life sucks sometimes I keep trying to find ways of improving my life. Trying to walk forward and think positive. Unfortunately some do get all easy! : ( hehe