Dear ... depression

I have this weird type of depression that I have been suffering ever since moving here. It comes up at night when I am about to go to bed and I start thinking of how many difficult things are out there. I know life is full of challenges but I feel like no one is even GIVING me a challenge. I have applied left, right and center for internships and have had no response. I look at my phone and look at the people who I actually know, including girls, and it's all down to one hand. Everybody else just calls or texts me to go clubbing. There is no one who would genuinely want to go to an exhibition with me on a Sunday afternoon, without pretending to pull the "oh I just saw your text" bullshit. Yeah 5 hous later !!! And then they can't make it because of blah blah blah. And this Friday two of my girlfriends had improptu dates with their boyfriends and I had no Plan B at all. My guy is away with family and even we aren't a proper couple. I felt like one of those 60 year-old women stuck at home with their cats. And now I don't have the energy to study. I have a casting for a well-known lingerie company tomorrow but I feel like it's gonna be the same old crap. It doesn't help I have been stuffing my face all week with no exercise. I feel like a fat cow. And to think a few days ago I was perfectly happy. Maybe I need to see a shrink.


  1. Freaking hell, i am following this blog. You have honesty girl!

    And thank you for your comment - you're so BLOODY right! The entire election debate should be centered around their environmental policy because time is running out and all they care about is they're fricking careers and who's bombing who.

    We all have times like these - i do - where you feel kind of alone and you overthink. But look at yourself and your age and your potential. You're just having a crap day! They won't all be like this.

    And i have this internship problem. I think the best thing you can do is to start trying to contribute to online magazines like I do. That'll be a really impressive thing to put on your CV when you apply.

    PD x

  2. Everyone has moments like these. My advice is get another group of friends. Sure you can have these friends for clubbing and stuff, but get another inner circle that you can do the stuff YOU want to do. Don't let anyone hold you down. You probably won't even be friends with these people in 10 years. Also, ask yourself the question, "Are you positive this is what you want to do with your life and can still afford your lifestyle?"

  3. everytime I read your entries I notice how much it mirrors how i'm feeling and what i'm going through myself but i'm too scared to share on my blog.

    I'm still unemployed myself and I've been also applying for work and internships left and right but still no call backs. and when it comes to friends, it feels as though i'm only good to hang out at night at the clubs and bars and not during the days and doing something more intellectual than tequila shots on a barstool. *sigh*

    Hang in there hun, theres just got to be something more meaningful waiting for us out there somewhere. . .

    and p.s. I hope that lingerie casting went well for you! xoxo


  4. i am so in love with this blog and i am your new biggest fan

    with that friend thing...i feel the same way, my friends are always with the last min. something came up shit and i hate it

    with me its time and time again i always feel like its just me who bad things happen to. its like everyone else is getting what they want and i get nothing lol but now i'm just over it what ever happens, happens i guess

  5. my Fav model, she has such a great charism! and a weird face, which makes her unique.